November 2016 James Bond @AlinaMeridon

Cold War Relics – A James Bond Adventure

One of the discussions that people often have about Dr Who is whether he could, or should, regenerate as a woman. For gender balance in the Tardis, she might then travel time and space with a male companion. Ultimately there’s no reason why this shouldn’t happen, though it seems unlikely that it ever will.

Earlier this year, Daniel Craig’s uncertainty over James Bond led to an inevitable flurry of speculation over alternatives, posing even the question of whether James Bond needs to be White British. Of course, the source material, Fleming’s stories, were suddenly a holy reference stating absolutely that James Bond has to be white, male and British (ideally Sean Connery) and a bit of an all-round bastard, in a suave and sophisticated way.

If the plots are absurd, and often the acting also, the spectacle of the films – the music, the exotic locations, the action sequences, but especially the stunt work (Die Another Day being a sad travesty of a Bond film from the moment the invisible car makes its appearance – or disappearance, rather) – makes them watchable.

The plots are also rife with misogyny, mainly through sheer inertia. (Anyone who isn’t Bond, M, Q or Moneypenny can and will be sacrificed or forgotten, and any women need to be beautiful and sleep with either Bond or the villain – or both.) There’s no real need, however, for Bond to be ‘a sexist, misogynist dinosaur,’ as M says; ‘a relic of the Cold War.’

Thandie Newton as James Bond

Thandie Newton as James Bond, 007
(With apologies for copyright infringement…)

There’s no real need even for Bond to be a man, except that people have a fondness for men who are sexist, misogynist dinosaurs. Just ask the next President of the United States of America.

So, it should be possible to have a female James Bond (Ah, Ms Bond! We meet at last…) – or, indeed, a female-identifying, polyamorous, pansexual, intersex James Bond – who kills bad guys and beds beautiful women…

for one little kiss
I would sacrifice my breath
and drown in your arms

double-o seven
the cold assassin enjoys
one more little death

james bond in heels skirts
many fearsome enemies
to strike at the heart

  1. The obligatory pre-credit sequence
  2. Moneypenny and the Quartermaster
  3. An exotic location
  4. A bloody business
  5. A new dress and heels
  6. The predictable card game
  7. An over-complicated death
  8. Search for the Secret Base
  9. The dastardly plan
  10. An explosive end
  11. Getting the girl

All About Freya

I was delighted to have a guest post from Freya Pickard, a fellow haiku poet and fantasy author. We share a love of dragons, structured poetry and Gilbert & Sullivan…

Cover of Insides by Freya Pickard

“I managed to retain my sense of humour throughout most of my cancer experience; it was only really chemotherapy that made it disappear… Most of my other writing is humorous, particularly if I’m writing about Dracomagan. But I do have a serious novel coming out next.”

Failed Again!

Two of my haiku were accepted for the December edition of Failed Haiku.

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